June 02, 2016

Making FOE, a foe!

I think it gained momentum with Twitter, if not started, which provided a platform for common people to connect with celebrities. Generally, celebrities have oodles of fans who are devotedly self employed at applauding, admiring, congratulating and singing songs of glory for their icons. So adding another song to it wouldn’t have paid a penny hence few decided to try their hands on talking objectionable about them. Using degenerating language for celebrities and demeaning them in the face not only made those few noticeable but also pleased their ego like the cat that’s got the cream. This began to trend.

Soon, controversial remarks and unprincipled stunts began to evolve as a rapid route to publicity and few opportunists like Poonam Pandey, cashed it remarkably. The trend further levelled up and a group of people deduced that our country is now ready to host a contentious show like AIB where celebrities are subjected under humiliation and embarrassment; a concept that is widely popular in western countries.

What they do in the Indian version of the show, AIB, is cross the already drawn socially acceptable lines of cracking jokes to crack jokes. Their argument in support is “Thousands of criminals and rapists are roaming free and you are outraging over a joke cracked by us comedians” but sorry to say that “Thousands of criminals and rapists are roaming free” was supposed to be a worry, not an excuse. That it’s not illegal what you do is grantable but can the law institute such set of rules to which you can comply with while cracking jokes? No, because jokes thrive on your sentiments, experiences, personality and many such idiosyncratic events and profiting on Government’s helplessness to technically frame a set of guidelines for it, makes you a person who flourishes on democracy’s loopholes suggesting, you technically didn’t break it but contravened the intent of the law.

That is where social norms come into effect. Social norms can make rules where the law technically fails. Although most of their rules are arguable and can be discarded without having much of consequences to face but certainly not this because in a subsequent time if a guy smacks a joke on your face about your mother diminishing her to an ill-repute, all in good humour, you can’t do a trifle because he is well within the boundaries of law and if at all you’ll react in a fashion similar to how you are expected of, that will be illegal. So what we can do from here is keep advocating their sense of humour in the name of freedom of expression or think of drawing a line.

Free from any preconceived notion about him and his show and conserving all my even-handedness, last night I watched the Tanmay Bhat’s controversial video of Sachin Tendulkar and Lata Mangeshkar’s roast and found it to be very shoddy and extremely unintelligent. The least a viewer expects of your jokes is to be funny and sadly that wasn’t. Not only it was ill-scripted and disgracefully presented, it was also not comic which safely proposes that the video was just a tawdry stunt for seeking attention.

Few people campaigned for Tanmay Bhat asking why is he being targeted when there are thousands of twitter handles doing the same. Well, to them I would say, thousands of people are raping girls which don’t give me a license to rape one. Moreover, Tanmay Bhat is a public figure whom people take as a pattern making him socially more responsible and careful. Also it’s needless to say that the message is for all.

I am not antagonistic towards all of Tanmay’s work. In fact, I subscribed to few of them. I even didn’t lodge much protest to what they did at Worli on December’14 because the roasted artists had their consent for the show. But assembling mindless jokes on the foundations of vulgarity gives you an undeserved regards and uncalled messages which need to be confronted one of these days if not today.

The whole indignation can be summarised as, someone made a joke about somebody which few people didn’t like and hence are requesting him to stop. As simple as that! If at all it is requisite to use derogatory words, use it to make your point, don’t make a point to use it needlessly. The lesson for Tanmay to learn is that comedy is, cracking a joke without cracking a soul. Moreover with a built like his’, he don’t need to do third-rate tricks, he’ll effortlessly stand out in the crowd (all in good humour).

January 02, 2015

Heroic sacrifice of sacrificing heroism

Dear dad!

              How are you? I am doing fine. Dad, you might get angry at the first sight of this letter but please be patient to read it till the end. I made a consequential mistake but before things could go worse, I fixed it. I fixed it all up.

                I fell in love with a girl. I am sorry dad. I am sorry that I failed you. You always implied to stay at distance from ‘Love’. I know that Love marriages are evil but I couldn’t resist falling in love with her. Believe me dad, I always did my utmost to maintain a stretch with girls especially those of other religions but somehow she managed to break my vows. I think ‘Love’ is a strong feeling dad. It overcame, despite all the resistances I offered.

                I swear that I avoided her for long but I dissolved eventually. She cared for me like mom does. She had this magical ability to explore all the sorrows I tried to hide. She braced me like brother and abided by me like you, dad. She used to make me feel so distinctive and remarkable that I flunked to follow the lessons you gave me.

                But be proud of myself dad. Although I discovered that there isn’t actually a control over this feeling called love, there are ways to avoid love marriages. Before my first mistake could turn into something more evil, I backed off. I left her into tears and backed off from letting things to worsen. She was heartbroken of course but she needs to understand that I sacrificed her for a greater cause.

                I am sorry dad that I made a mess but I fixed everything up. I felt awful when she cried but it’s fine. I’ll be fine and she’ll be fine too in due course. Nobody needs to know anything. But dad, shouldn’t I be feeling heroic after this? Why I am having this villainous stir inside me? May be it is just a matter of time. Rest all is well dad. Hope you’ll forgive me.

Your son

May 18, 2014


She is my friend who is fond of wearing the shortest possible pants exposing the majority of her body which I never understood why! So I asked one day, “Do you always prefer this attire and is your family comfortable with it?” She replied, “You are talking to a strong feminist and you can get the hell out of business regarding what I wear and what I don’t!”

Now, there were two things I felt uneasy about. One, she acted rude and second, she had altogether taken the wrong turn while walking on the path of feminism. Although I get the hell out of that business but I had to respond.

I am not a man who is an anti-feminist. In fact I strongly favour the equality between all the genders regarding rights and opportunities. But I won’t advocate letting a person go being rude without being paid a healthy response. And I don’t patronize ‘short pants’ being a symbol of feminism.

To be equal you need to capitalize the opportunities you get and to capitalize the opportunities, you need to be strong and capable. Now, there is no absolute theory or enough experimental instances proving a direct proportionate relation between being strong and being rude. May be you don’t realize but you can doubtlessly stay calm, composed and gentle while going strong.

Anyways, suppose a situation where you are in a metro train and a man is sitting on the reserved seat for the ladies. You are left with two choices. You can let the man sit proving your equality of strength and decide to remain unseated making your point. Or, you can ask the man to vacate it demanding your rightful seat. The point is you can take any of the decision with or without the short pants. Your actions will measure the level of your feminism not the apparel. I mean, wear the short pants if you want to but don’t claim yourself to be a feminist on the basis of that. It is more like cashing in your personal desires of fashion under the umbrella of feminism.

I do get aware of the rapes victimizing women, through newspapers and television and it occurred to me that may be wearing short pants is a way of expressing anger challenging all such inhumane behaviour. I understand the outrage but still I would suggest not doing so because if somebody someday will accept your challenge one on one, you’ll be less likely to win unless you are well trained in some kind of defensive technique or art. It is actually an undeniable fact that you lack the equivalency in physical strength when compared to that of a man.

Before you could make judgements about myself, claiming my unbiased state to the topic I would proceed further voicing that mere the feeling of exploration of rather hidden part of the body itself is capable of giving arousals to humans. And it should! I mean, it’s preposterous to see a juicy thigh and not to get aroused. But we, the gentlemen, suppress all our stimulations and present ourselves being very casual and easy. We do so, because we have a reputation to protect, obligations to take care of and responsibilities to carry. But we mustn’t forget how full our country is with people who don’t have any of these. In fact, there even are incidents when the devil of few reputed personalities too overcame their power of staying gentle.

I have seen this picture of a girl, below which it was quoted “Even if I walk naked, I have not given you the right to rape.” True. I agree that you haven’t but neither has anyone else. Not even our constitution! But still there is body governing the law and order because the constitution makers felt that there’ll be elements in the society who won’t pay much heed to what rights belong to them and what not.

Do you sleep in your house every night with the doors and windows open? No, because it would make your house vulnerable to the thieves who are outside there. It’s equally unwise to make yourself vulnerable when there are people outside there who don’t think twice before materializing their internal stimulations. I am not asking you to abolish your fashion desires but please do chose the occasion, company and environment wisely before executing such yearns.

If you’ll take a step on the path of constructive feminism, I’ll push you to take one more. But walking naively without understanding the real meaning of it will make you something I wouldn’t recommend you to become.

P.S: I don’t like rude people.

October 31, 2013

Let’s not chat, Parineeti

If you yearn to be good to everyone, you’ll end up failing at to be best to someone. I would rather try being bad to too many if that gives me a handful of finest relations.

You can go and masturbate over the fact that it was a marvellous reunion with your school friends. You may lick your social networking sites’ arses for making this come true. You may wake up every morning and offer mental prizes to the engineers who reduced the suppositions of application like Whatsapp and WeChat to reality. You may also feel proud about being an iconic social being if you want to but just slide down that damn phone in your pocket while you are talking to me.

Have you ever projected a real world analogy of the situation when you are making parallel Whatsapp chat with goddamn six people? If you still feel it’s not rude then I insist you to stop reading and check your phone. Have you ever realized that the person outside your phone talking to you is also a kind of chatting? You do not have to always investigate your phone after every minute in order to not missing out on some “real” conversations. Have you ever even considered the fact that the basic mechanism of a communication is to listen attentively to what the speaker is saying, and to execute a focused speech? Have you figured out yet that talking to six people independently at a time altogether invalidates the point of talking? Do not you feel that the relation, friendship is getting diluted with every pillars of technology you are supporting it with?

If you want to ponder about it, ponder about it or go do whatever the dung you want to do but just slide that goddamn phone inside your pocket while you are talking to me.

October 04, 2013

A gone green gift

That moron thought he would rip apart the coop with his tiny beaks as if it’s a movie going on. He probably mistook himself as a human who have constituted themselves with the right to freedom. He surely must have been a fool who ruptured his nail while trying to escape. He got his lessons though, he should have got bloodied. More than ten drops of blood bid farewell to his veins through the wounds he himself opened up while assuming come what may, it will lead to his independence.

I mean, how much more stupid can one be? The fool knew he was a birthday gift to that little child and the child wants to amuse himself from outside to celebrate his sense of not being alone at being a victim of dependence. Did the child ask for much? The child also gave him potatoes to eat. And I am telling you the child was a wise one. He only picked the potatoes that were uneatable for humans who have constituted themselves with the right to food. He was really an idiot who was trying to escape from being a birthday gift of such a wise child.

He was so stubborn to go out that not a single minute passed when he wasn’t trying to break free. The only few minutes he sat placidly was after those ten red drops spurted out of his nail. And again after regaining his strength, he got back to his business. At times, clutching a rod in the beak and trying to twist it open, at times, pushing the rods with his claw and pulling the gate with his beak to set it open. He must have been really a very big dunderhead who thought he would actually succeed and that too at that budding age of 25 days.

The parrot died the next morning. And maybe that should have happened to a fool like that. He didn’t realize he might get tetanus or something. Anyways, he was no match to the wise child he was a gift of. You never know, how fool these birds can be. But thank God, the child was done with his amusements, he don’t want another one to disappoint himself in such stupid manner.

April 10, 2013


I am telling you this guy must be a spoilt brat. He has just injected his lungs with smokes of three cigarettes back to back. Sitting alone, hiding from all the probable known ones he could encounter, this man has just adulterated the environment along with his lungs with three back to back cigarettes. I mean, look at us, we, a group of three friends, have come to enjoy the cool breezes at the bank of river Ganga and this man here is sitting alone, hiding from don’t know who and smoking cigarettes.

Anyways, I am really missing our fourth friend. He is a big shot among us now. We always used to hang out at this very same place and used to discuss about matters that would concern us. At times we also used to discuss about things that didn’t have to do anything with us. He would always say about things he would do once he gets a job and all. We were, I mean, the other three of us would just care about a job and he on the other hand would make plans about what he wants to do once he gets a job. He was really very excited about things he would do, once he gets settled. He used to say, once he’ll get a job, he’ll be free from all the social taboos he is handcuffed with and would execute all his dreams one by one. He was a talented boy, I am telling you. It was as if he always knew he would get a decent job and all. And see, he is in a big multi-national company. Big thing. And we are still here enjoying our evenings on the bank of river Ganga.

Anyways, last night I just texted him about what’s new and all and he replied –

“It takes a lot to live in this society
Till the end you’ve to pay the prices
These days I sit alone and fag
To celebrate all my sacrifices”

I don’t know what does that suppose to mean, but I just hope he don’t smoke a lot of cigarettes.

March 28, 2013

Holi ; coloured faces

Happy Holi to you and all but dear lord how I hate Holi! Yeah, yeah, Holi is the festival of brotherhood and love and all that crap, when even the arch enemies forget their rivalry to neck each other for a new feeling to sprout but dear lord how I hate it!

They play colours that don’t make a sense to me. What joy could one get while colouring another guy’s face? Yeah, finding joy while colouring the face of an opposite gender do make some sense. If they find pleasure over their accomplishment of colouring one’s face, better play cricket or badminton for God’s sake. Probably they feel happy about it because they think they are supposed to feel happy about it no matter how much time they spend while bathing that day and scrubbing their faces to fatality.

But it’s not the colour that bothers me much. It’s what they do afterwards that bothers me. They meet. The hell they meet. They meet people they haven’t given a damn for the entire year and they meet artistically and cheerfully. They don’t have topics to talk about but they meet. They don’t have topics therefore they crack jokes. They crack jokes that aren’t even funny and they laugh like Hyenas on jokes that aren’t even funny. They talk about summers, heat, God, generation and all those topics that are very redundant to talk about and then they crack jokes that aren’t even funny. In fact it’s only the joke that can be new to someone. But even the unheard jokes aren’t funny.

I mean why do they meet? I mean, meet me if you want to but don’t meet me just because you think you are supposed to meet and crack a joke that isn’t even funny.

Anyways, happy Holi and colours and all but meet me with a genuine face, not a coloured one.